Toni McNeil is a force for good.
Standing on stage in the crowded room of a Women United event, her presentation brings an intense audience reaction — ranging from nods of affirmation to tears. Tall and statuesque, her magnetism draws audiences in with her powerful words about faith, choices, and the value of life, family, and hard work.
She is also a survivor of domestic violence, homelessness, poverty, and generational abuse, making her part of the 24% — or one in four U.S. women — who have been the victims of severe physical violence by an intimate partner.
Despite a past that could have led her to a grave rather than a stage in front of hundreds of people sharing her message, McNeil has become a community leader.
As the CEO of Concrete Development, a nonprofit she founded, she calls upon her experience as a survivor to advocate and train individuals experiencing similar traumas in the communities that she serves across the Central Valley. Concrete Development works with people who are formerly incarcerated, experiencing homelessness, and communities devastated by over-policing, gun violence and mass incarceration.
All of us face crossroads in life. For McNeil, she stood at her own personal crossroad in the 1980s: continue to endure domestic abuse she’d suffered for years or find her voice and detach herself from habitual codependency and leave her husband? Her life-saving decision, manifested by encounters with two county nonprofits, PREVAIL (formerly the Women’s Center) and Haven of Peace, gave her the will and skill to escape what statistics and stories we know all too well could have been a death trap. The support from these nonprofits was McNeil’s way out and up.
Last year alone, PREVAIL served more than 2,000 victims through its shelter and non-shelter programs, including advocacy for nearly 700 domestic violence temporary restraining orders and 11,500 emergency shelter bed nights. Open since 1972, PREVAIL was the first women’s shelter in the county and has supported thousands of women, children and families since its founding.
Nationally, data on domestic violence is alarming. Collectively, victims of intimate partner violence lose 8 million days of paid work each year in the U.S. The cost exceeds $8.3 billion annually, and 21-60% of victims lose their jobs due to the abuse, leading to further instability and fewer choices to escape the cycle of abuse. Nationally, 60% of domestic violence cases are dismissed.
Ending the cycle of violence
Thirty years earlier, as a young mother of four, McNeil was trapped in a violent relationship. Continuous beatings at the hand of her husband shattered her confidence. One night, after severe abuse, a friend took her to the hospital, where a Stockton police officer gave her life-saving advice: leave now or “he’s going to kill you.”
This advice led her to the San Joaquin County Women’s Center, now known as PREVAIL. PREVAIL’s mission directly serves over 5,000 women, men and children annually. It was here that McNeil and her children began the healing process in safe surroundings, deep counseling, and advocacy. She found peace and potential. “I never knew these resources existed,” McNeil confessed.
Dawn House, a program within PREVAIL, was the safe haven for McNeil. “Dawn House was my trauma emergency room,” McNeil says. “It disrupted me so I could learn self-advocacy and come to terms with being a byproduct of generational abuse. They gave me a sense of belonging and community.”
With rehabilitation in process, McNeil moved to another nonprofit, Haven of Peace, a sanctuary for safety for women and children. A small 35-bed escape nestled in French Camp, tranquility is found in every room. Olga Rodriquez, executive director, embellishes the peacefulness and sanctity of Haven. “The work we do here is transformative and it is bound by faith and giving every woman and child the tools they need to build resilience toward life.”
In 1995, Haven of Peace stood with McNeil and her 4 children economically and spiritually. “I went in with nothing, the staff helped me and my children deal with our past and economically guided us forward into our own home, a college degree, and a career. They gave me the tools I needed to not just survive, but live.”
The ecosystem of nonprofits
PREVAIL and Haven exemplify the power of unified agencies working collectively to help women and families beat the odds of abuse. McNeil avowed, “I could not have made it out without them.”
Collectively, each agency serves hundreds of women, children, and families, fortifying the resilience of community residents toward rescuing each from violence, abuse, and more.
Now, 30 years later, McNeil’s experiences with Haven of Peace and PREVAIL have turned her into an advocate for women and families. Constructing her own nonprofit, ignited by those past experiences, allowed her to build her own. “These nonprofits changed my life.” She declares, “I was a product of two generations of poverty; today, my children are not part of that cycle because I broke it and am giving back to others.”
The support she received during her rehabilitation from a two-generation life of domestic violence gave her the tools to become who she is today. Those lessons allow her to share her story and amplify positive options for others — a life she wouldn’t have realized without the nonprofits that pulled her toward a new life.
McNeil is just one story of success among many. The nonprofits of PREVAIL and Haven are our backbone systems of support, united together as they both equally excel at their mission and at collaboration. As McNeil says, “One plants the seed, and the other waters.”
And now, her own unique nonprofit, Concrete Development, is doing the seed planting, watering, and growing hope for others through the concrete cracks. helping others reach toward the light.